Are You Sure Divorce is What You Want?
At Stearns-Montgomery & Proctor, we believe in helping our clients protect their families and assets. In the more than 30 years that Founding Partner Mary Montgomery has been practicing family law, she has realized many couples considering divorce have not thought through the process. When we at SM&P meet someone who wants a divorce, we want to make sure they are ready for the complex divorce process as well as its aftermath. Are they positive divorce is the solution for them?
Guest columnists Russ & Danielle West, co-founders of IntentionalMarriages.net, ask:
Are you sure divorce is what you want? Before you make a life-changing decision such as a divorce, you might want to do more research. There are organizations out there who can help before you begin the process, and their services do not have to cost thousands of dollars. With the help of mentors and counselors, such as IntentionalMarriages.net, the next step may not be divorce.
ON THE EDGE
So he’s gotten on your ever-loving last nerve. You wonder what you ever saw in him. She keeps spinning out of control, and it’s making you angry. The tension is so thick, you believe you’d be better off divorced. There it is, you thought about the word — divorce. How did it get this bad? It seems impossible to turn things around. Or is it?
Two of the primary reasons people get divorced are:
- Hurts and Frustrations, which built up over time by not being properly addressed, eventually turn into enough anger, frustration, and apathy for one or both spouses to want a divorce.
- Pivotal circumstances like an affair, loss of a child, or financial disaster.
You’ve heard the phrase, “We’re going through a bad season right now.” Well, the good news and bad news about seasons is they all come to an end. You won’t always be in this season, but how you end will be the story your children and your grandchildren will tell. What do you want your story to be?
Unless you’re there to look at your role in the relationship, you’ll remain stuck looking at your partner to change first. Have you ever been in a fight where the other person apologized first, even before you expected it? What happened to your position? It softened, right? The same thing happens when we tuck away our pride and lead with fixing ourselves first. It softens the other person. Not sure about this dynamic? Test it.
Why is it we will seek out a personal trainer for our fitness needs, a financial planner for our financial needs, a professional coach for our careers, but we won’t seek out a professional for the most significant relationship in our lives, especially if there are children involved?
Maybe you don’t have the finances to afford a counselor but you could afford to meet with a mentor. Ladies, Intentional Marriages offers a 4-week online course coupled with weekly Zoom calls to walk you through on how to “ReConnect, so you don’t Disconnect.” If not for the sake of your current relationship, be intentional with your next relationship. Like Andy Stanley says, “It takes a pulse to fall in love, but it takes a plan to stay in love.”
Maybe you don’t have the finances to afford a counselor. Re:new is a one-on-one mentoring ministry that matches trained volunteer mentors with individuals for confidential, weekly mentoring sessions. Whether you are experiencing difficulty in your life or relationships or just want to enrich your relationship with Christ, Re:new is a ministry for you.
If not for the sake of your current relationship, be intentional with your next relationship. Like our preacher Andy Stanley says, “It takes a pulse to fall in love, but it takes a plan to stay in love.”
Russ & Danielle West
Marriage Mentors & Co-Founders of IntentionalMarriages.net